thoughts
i have come to this place several times before throughout my journey through life, and now here i stand more understanding of it than anytime prior. it can be a hard notion to grasp when you realize the people you’ve known for almost an eternity were hiding their true feelings of guilt, denial, and most importantly, greed very cleverly behind a façade of love, compassion, and empathy. there is something to be said about the worlds’ actors, those who live double lives either by choice or chance. very talented people if you ask me. i would like to spend my time debating philosophically why it is that people choose to live this way, hiding from their loved ones behind a wall of lies, deceit, and denial - however “good” their intentions may be. however, as i have mentioned before, this is not my first time arriving at this station of actualization but i would like to make it one of the last. one of my personal, more endearing (depending upon opinion, of course) qualities is my honesty and frankness. i tell people quite often that it is almost impossible for me to lie because even if i can verbally say it, my facial expressions and body language never match up. i guess i have never really found a reason to lie very much, (aside from those rebellious teenage years) and as i’ve grown older, i’ve realized that lying to others is essentially lying to yourself because you’re the one that hears you talk the most. usually you can read my emotions like a book, although i am getting better at concealing those a little. anyway, i think that reflecting upon others and yourself can teach very vital lessons to life - both spiritual and tangible. and although it bothers me quite a bit that most people i’ve known for 22 years a liars, i have recently been trying to adopt the notion that their actions can no longer affect me, at least negatively. i really wish more people didn’t perceive intellectuals as snobs or pretentious, because thinking this hard about mundane events is quite straining, especially when emotions are involved. anyway those are my observations, please don’t take them personally as there is no way they are in reference to anyone who would possibly read this.
